Choose Her

I harmed a nice lady for 5 years by remaining with her but never completely choose her.

I really wanted to be with this one. I was definitely tempted to pick her. She was a stunning woman, bright, humorous, seductive, and sensual. With her fast, dark humor and exotic beauty, she could make my entire body giggle and short-circuit my brain. My happy spot was waking up every morning with her wrapped in my arms. I adored her to no end.

Unfortunately, as is common with many young couples, our lack of understanding of how to love properly rapidly led to difficult issues in our relationship. After my early morning, wonderful reverie gave way to the tense, juvenile ways of our daily existence together, I began to wonder whether there was another woman out there who was easier to love, and who could love me better.

As the months went and that concept echoed in my thoughts more and more, I picked her less and less. Every day for the next five years, I selected her less and less.
I stayed by her side. I simply stopped selecting her. We were both hurt.
Choosing her would have meant focusing every day on the treasures she brought into my life for which I was grateful: her laughter, beauty, sensuality, playfulness, friendship, and so… much… more.
Unfortunately, I frequently found it difficult to accept – or even recognize – what was so incredibly great about her.

I was too preoccupied with her rage, insecurity, demands, and other parts of her fiery nature that irritated me. The more I concentrated on her worst conduct, the more I saw of it, and the more I mirrored it back to her by delivering my own worst behavior. Naturally, this exacerbated the pressure in our relationship… and made me pick her even less.
Over the course of five years, our dreadful death spiral unfolded.
She worked hard to persuade me to pick her. That’s a fool’s errand. Even if they love you, you can’t make them pick you.

To be honest, she didn’t completely pick me either. The rage-fueled venom she frequently screamed at me was proof enough.
However, I now see that she was frequently upset because she didn’t feel secure with me. She sensed that I didn’t choose her every day, in my words and deeds, and she was terrified that I would desert her.
I did, in fact, forsake her.
I failed her by not totally choosing her every day for five years, by focusing on what annoyed me rather than what I liked about her.

I left her alone in innumerable ways to wither in the dry scorching heat of our personal connection, like a wonderfully scented flower I proudly brought into my house but then forgot to nurture.
I’ll never select another lady I’m in love with again.
It’s agony for everyone.
If you’re in a relationship, I challenge you to ask yourself, “Why am I selecting my partner today?”
If you can’t come up with a satisfactory solution, look further. It might be as easy as realizing that “I just do,” in your innermost heart’s reality.

If you can’t locate it now, go back and look tomorrow. We’ve all had days when we feel detached.
However, if too many days pass and you still can’t connect with why you chose your spouse, and your relationship is fraught with tension, let them go. Make room for another human being to show up and view them with new eyes and a longing heart that will gladly select them every day.
Your loved one deserves to be chosen joyfully. Every single day.
You, too, do.
Make a logical choice.